Okay, so I always try to be extremely honest when I post anything right?? So, that's why I haven't written anything for a few days. The good news is God is faithful to always help if you allow Him to. After a few days of feeling sorry for myself and moping a little, God is really doing a work in my heart. I know the bases of my problem stems from my lack of FAITH. It is so hard for me to see the future full of Christians in our work here in the country. I get in the attitude sometimes that we are wasting our time. I KNOW this is not true, but in weak moments it so easy to think this way. I think of what an awesome man my husband is, how God created him with such a zeal and so many talents. It is hard not to think of him working in a different place with many many converts. (the grass is always greener on the other side....) I know he struggles the same way at times. I hear of our friends ministries and often, though I am ashamed to say it, my delight in what the Lord is doing in their work is a bit tainted by envy. I know very well there is great sin in these thoughts of mine. I know it is not God causing these thoughts. These are struggles that the devil loves for me to have . I can't praise the Lord when my heart is filled with discontentment.
I have been very ungrateful in these last few days. I don't write any of this for anyone to feel sorry for me, I really don't want anyone reading to think I want to spread negativity. I only mean to share everything of my life here serving God. I want to be transparent. I do wish we had some women here to meet with in Bible studies and women to have Christian fellowship with, ladies meetings, etc. I have in these past few days not really been defeated by the lack of this, but by the lack of faith that God will work. It has been my negative thoughts that have kept me in a bad attitude. I am not very good at waiting. I know God is working. Tomorrow I am going to go to a new friends house for the first time. She is married and has one son. She is related to Suffian. We are praying hard that the Lord will open her heart. She has expressed some interest in learning about Jesus. I know God has a purpose for my life. I know I am very fortunate to be in His will. I am praying for faith like I have not had before.
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7 comments:
Hey, too bad we can't have a "virtual ladies meeting" to encourage you. There must be some way that those of us who are not in country can be an encouragement. Let us know!
Know this that Betty and I love you guys very much and are super proud of you. You are doing what very few could and God is greatly using you. Literally you guys are my heroes. Keep up the good work
I know it has to be hard but don't dwell on these wicked thoughts. Know that He loves you and is using you
I love you girl!!
I'm sending you a hug and know that you are my hero!!! I am so proud of you, I tell everyone about you- and how much I stand in awe of your dedication!!!
praying for you!!!
I've never met y'all before, but I found your blog through the Master's blog, and I've been reading your's for some time. My dad is the pastor of an independent Baptist church in Columbia, TN. There have been times when I think the problems here are really bad, and then I'll read your blog and realize that it's nothing compared to what y'all must have to face every day! Thanks for posting comments, even when things are hard! I'm keeping y'all in my prayers, and hopefully we'll be able to meet y'all in person someday!
Rebekah Ward
Hi there! I discovered your blog just a few weeks ago, and have so enjoyed the few posts I have had time to read. As a fellow missionary wife (Cambodia) may I just give you a big "I understand!" from one who has been there (and still goes there sometimes!) Sometimes there is a measure of comfort in knowing that our battles are not unique to us and that there are others who face the same things. There is also encouragement in knowing that God is ready to give victory over that tempation to discontent and discouragement.
May God continue to bless your ministry!
Thank you all for the encouraging comments!
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