Something to come home to....

Okay, this is another one of those transparent moments when I open up and share something that will leave me feeling a little uncomfortable. Anyway, in the 3rd month we had been here. I was struggling big time with not wanting to be here. I mean BIG TIME. I was letting my negative thoughts get to me and I felt so alone. We had to go over to Spain to renew our tourist passport and we were finishing up our visit there. I was in the restroom of the Port in Spain and I looked at myself in the mirror and I came up with this big plan about how I was going to tell my husband I had had enough, that I was not made for this kind of work, I just couldn't take it anymore. I told myself I could stand up for myself and tell my husband I was not going back across the border............(okay now you all see how I really am.) I walked out the door and I.......quietly got on the ferry boat back over here. Honestly I could feel the battle raging inside me. The Spirit is ready but the FLESH is weak. I asked God for grace and begged for Him to help me. I prayed silently in my seat on the 35min ride back "home". I told God to please, by December when it is time to go back to the USA for a little while to give me a reason to want to come back. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be to come back here after being in America. I am amazed to see how God has worked since that time. He has done things that at that time I did not think possible. He has worked in my heart and given me desire and contentment. He has given us many reasons to be excited to return to our work here. I am crying as I share my heart with you because God amazes me by His faithfulness. I fought for so long for reasons not to be here, I can't believe how God has changed my heart. I am looking forward to visiting the USA, but I am also looking forward to coming back to all that God is doing here!